<3 Matters

hurt

2009-11-10T04:37:00.000-08:00

Suddenly everything came back in my mind...

it reli feels like it happened just yesterday...
why? Why didnt this feel ceased and dissapear for good?

It's destroying me... and my new r/s...
It feels so so hurting...

and in my heart, i was calling out to my bf name.. hoping he would hear...
just as how the ex wld when i called out his name in my heart....

if i do dat now, i knw he will feel it... cuz the bond is still dere....

bf bf, where r u? i need u here with me so much....

Im sorry for all the things that happened between us....
I brought my past together with me and let it come btwn us...

But after wat u said this afternoon...
I just realised im being selfish....
Wat u told me reli brought me bck to Earth....
I realised all this while been dreaming that finally i've found the one..
but actually nope...

It was just an imagination...
there is no such thing...
isnt it??

Love,
nina

2009-11-01T17:24:00.000-08:00

how sweeter can my sweet sweet november be?
I had an advanced surprise bdae party from my dearest bf...

he actually planned it early, and i never even suspected...
very very thoughtful and caring of him...
yah, never had a surprise party before...

the amazing thing is, he actually planned it with my family and frens.. and yah, they were good in sealing the plan to make sure i dun suspect anything... even my mum joined in the trick!
i would never suspect lah, cuz im too blur to notice anything at all.. lol!

no wonder he reli wanted to go out with me on saturday...
brought me to watch movie, den b& j @ dempsey... den to mt faber... our spot... where he will give me tons of surprises there... so now i knw the tricks.. if he's bringin me there... means he's gonna give me a surprise.. lol!

how can i not love him more and more each day... he did alot of things for me... that i've never felt for so long...

love,
nina

Happy Birthday

2009-10-25T21:33:00.000-07:00

24th October 2009

ur bdae... never fail to celebrate it with you.... for 8 yrs...
the first time is still clear in my mind... bought perfume and a mini ball.. it was green... addidas...
cuz u love soccer so much... and dats where i first met you... u were playing soccer... at nyp sch field...

and this year for the first time, i wasnt there to wish you... to celebrate it with you....
you were with someone else i guess....

I hope all ur wishes come true.....

Back home!

2009-10-25T20:00:00.000-07:00

Pheewww... finally im bck home...
i dunno how it turn out... but i screwed up halfway...

it was okay... i managed to talk to the family... just abit... lol!
i hope this is a good start for me...

along the way, there is some sadness that overcome me...
i was thinking abt the ex mum....
reli miss her alot....
at that point of time, i reli wished to just take my fone and give her a call...
i reli miss dat comforting hug, cuz she knew the pain i went tru... and her prayers to give me all the patience i need to go thru everything...

Will i ever be loved by another mum like dat...??
will i ever get another best mum in law like her??

p/s: i knw i never get the chance to call u "mak" but i just wnt u to knw... i reli reli love you like my own... and i hope, you will never forget me... cuz you will always stay in my heart....

sweet

2009-10-21T22:27:00.000-07:00

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there." -Bob Marley

Can i not go?

2009-10-21T22:18:00.001-07:00

tomorrow morning.. i will be goin to KL with him and his family...
first time away, with someone i just got to know.. not close at all, who don't knw me...

i've always been a baby... a lil kid...
Still depending on my mum...

Im very nervous, im not close with them at all... met twice... and now goin for a holiday with them.. i hope it works...

after dat fone call with him...
i just dun feel like goin anymore...
I hate ppl forcing me to do things i dun wnt... im the rebellious kind, the more you asked me to do somethings which i dun like, the more im not gonna do it...

Reli,this feel so draggy... i dun feel like goin... i just wanna slp.... slp slp.... slp till monday

love,
nina

Raya 2009 with him

2009-10-21T18:39:00.001-07:00

It was green this year! our first year together...

I love this pic of him, love messing up his hair! LOL!

love,

nina

2009-10-21T02:16:00.001-07:00

Somehow today i feel blessed....

We had a talk yesterday....
and i realised that he reli understand me...
the unpredictable girl as what he describe me as...
suddenly, i became transparent....
He knew why i behave that way... wat was i thinking when i did that...

and i kept quiet... all sorts of questions came to mind...
i asked myself.. how could anyone knew, without me saying what was in my mind...?
i asked myself... is he the one sent to me??
i asked myself... can i love him as much as i did for sumone from the past...?
the last qn.... why? why does he wnt to be with me with flaws and all... when he could get a better one??
why and how could he accept me for who i am??
what is it in me dat he see dat i dun??
why is it so hard to convinced me after tons of time explaining to me why he wnts to be with me??

pls gimme an ans....

love,
nina

Confusion

2009-10-06T09:02:00.000-07:00

Things getting harder and more complicated now....

I've come to a point, whereby i need to make my choice, so i wun hurt anyone...

I feel like crying so bad....

why why why did i brought myself to this situation...

i tried to leaving... but i miss the times i had with both... somehow... i need both to be arnd me...

gosh, never been this confused!

Change my Wardrobe!

2009-09-26T20:08:00.000-07:00

Okay....

Hmmm... it's time to change my wardrobe!!
from now on, i'll be getting more dresses.... and more heels!

sheeeessshh!!! I've always been the sporty casual kind of person.... i hate wearing heels... cuz im comfortable with normal shoes.... flats shoes.... and i seldom wear dresses.....

So now, time for a change....

love, nina

back here!

2009-03-10T23:54:00.000-07:00

I thought i was doing the right thing. but i wasn't... it was all wrong..
and what i'm doing right now is even worst.. how could i? how could i?

I told myself, i can.. i can... but i was just deceiving and in denial... being positive or not, it's all the same.. im gonna be in the same situation...

Ya Allah, pls pls help me...

Please give me ur guidance... Please just tell me what to do now...
Am i doing the right thing...? Am I in vengence?

What's my next step.. everything i do? i'll be back to the same thing...
yes, ppl can say i shouldn't have accepted him back.. pls can say... just leave him and don't make the same mistake again...

Easier said than done.... You are not me! You don't know how i feel... it's stupid... i know it is.. i know he's treating me like shit... I know he's just playing with me.. i know!

I did wat you all told me to.... leave him... and said when he comes back, make it hard for him.. i listen to everyone... Im not blaming them for what happen to me...

It's all up to me isnt' it.... i made the mistakes.. .it's me... i made the mistakes! over and over again....

STupid love

2009-03-04T22:27:00.000-08:00

Met up with the bestie yesterday, told her everything that's in my heart, what's been bothering me and all.

She's so sweet, to suggest meeting up when she could just gimme a call when she's free...
Im so lucky to have her as a bestie... Thanks ya!

I dunno how many times i've been going thru this, I thought everything could change, and i was happy when it did... but as wat ppl said, leopard never change its spot..

and as wat the malays says, " Semangat 5 minit" or "janji melayu"!

Watever it is, im happy with my decision, though it's hard for me...

Bestie asked me why i didn't i hate my boyfiee instead... when he's the culprit of all the trouble that he caused me... all the heart pain, it was all because of him...

Yes, i did try.. i tried... my brain told me, that's what i should do, but the heart always say a different thing...

each day, i'll wake up.. saying " i hate farid" and each nite i'll go to bed, saying " i hate farid"
im doing this childish thing, cuz afterall, it's all in the mind and how we see it... maybe i thought, doing this would finally kill all my feelings for him...

But i failed.. i failed.. the love seems to overcome every logic and every senses... Everyone see and think that i shouldn't be with him at all nor should i give him the chances that i gave...

I know that....
Dear friends, i know that... i see what you all see...

What im doing rite now, just make me feel glad...
We do need the space... to clear our minds... and for me to find myself again.. and to gain control of my life again...
I see the flaws and the mistakes...
but my only regret now is, i should have done this earlier...

i do miss him... despite him being a jerk in my life..
this is what ppl call.. Stupid love...

I promise to love myself as much as i loved him before...

2007-01-09T05:05:00.000-08:00

nina have been busy with her projects these days and i got no time to tell her of anything yet. gosh i felt like shouting cause i needed someone to talk to. ouh lord! my past came back to me. i was having msn conversation with sabby and out of the blue, we were talking about rahman. like she wanted to know the real story behind the past. i wonder how she would react to my truth. i wasnt ready to tell her anything yet. i jux read her blog and she seems to have some personnal disturbing things in her mind. felt pity for her. i wonder if she had any gd night sleep with problems that she is dealing. i do hope she's ok.

anyway she even told me she had like 2 years to forget about "our ex"! same goes to me. but im really not in any position to keep on thinking about rahman tough.
and so she kinda ask who were with rahman 1st. me or her.
initially it was her. but they broke of and rahman was single when i met him. and so my huge crush for him led to a stupid love realtionship. after 5 and a half month of my so-called-1st-love, he broke of with me and wanted to be juxt bestfrens. so the dumb dumb teenage yarasha says ok to it and had no thought that he would cheat on her. duh! kiter tak pernah gaduh sei.. and i trusted him. So i got no bad thoughts about the break up.
by chance that i met nina after a year of losing contacts. we met and got excited over our 1st love and i were only teasing and tells nina-" y not we disturb our bf?" she dint do it cox takut farid marah. and so we tried on rahman. we text rahman using nina's num and pretend to be some1 called liza who wanted to get to know him.
and so rahman engage with a long sms conversation with liza n keen to know who she is. it was that night that an unknown came to us and told us not to disturb her bf. and yarasha here- at that point of time was the gf of rahman get so curious of who the hell is that unknown??
of cox u were to think the same as i do if u were in my shoe rite?
it was then that i learned she is sabby- the( then) ex gf of rahman.
Frm there is where i learn he was cheating on me. still, i couldnt believe the fact of it and like a week later, he broke of with me. it was on valentines day!
yeah u can imagine how torned i was huh?
and so sabby still demand "liza" to shoo off from rahman. Eventually, sabby and liza had horrible plus brutal vulgarity sms fight.
i can still remem that nina dunno how to deal with sabby and nina also got freaking irritated for me. i jux couldnt bother about it. sigh.
it was from the sms fightings that i get to know rahman is gonna date out sabby on valentines day. (sabby told liza-which is me n nina, about their date becox liza dint trust sabby being rahman's gf)

valentines day:
yarasha called rahman and telling him that i know he is dating his ex gf.
yarasha called sabby to tell her that rahman jux broke of with me.
yarasha was super torned and heartbroken and ruined their valentines date.

back to school, i got myself a really short haircut for being heartbroken. rahman wrote in my jurnal to tells of how sorry he was. We then became close frens. its a wonder that he still ask me out for this and that and without the knowledge of sabby. i thought for once he see me as a trusted fren. and when the day came to sabby birthday. i gave some suggestion to him to make her a special day. i chose her birthday watch and i made the card for her. nina says im crazy to be doing all this for his sake. but i regard it as the name of "love". yeah watever u called it.
that night, its sabby who get to know that rahman goes out with me. her birthday turn out terrible.
rahman got so mad at me and told him not to blame me. duh! yah but he still became close frens with me. wierd.
about liza.. me and nina so happen create her as a gerl id knew rahman would fall for: a beach gerl and a roxy lover... etc..
a month later. ive been trying to tell rahman the truth about liza. but im scared. i feel so bad. gosh ive never been so hypocritics in my life b4. i was a backstabber close fren and rahman dint noe of it. finally i put up with my gut to tell him the unplanned lies i had for him.
it was at borders. i told rahman the truth. he got so furious and and he left me stranded there.
after that we hardly spoke to each other and he got close to another gal..

i jux hate everything about the past. because i clearly remember it all!! yeah 5 years have gone by and i still clearly remember it all.. this is the reason i dint keep my 3 thick jurnals of the past happenings with me.. cause i really really hate it all..
i just wish my past would simply vanish into thin air..
some would say that i had my sweet revenge..
i was not even supposed to be a revenge cause ive never planned about any revenge..
i do hope im being forgiven for my past mistakes
ouh gosh!
sigh
nina!! where are you??
needing you badly!!

2006-12-26T08:26:00.000-08:00

Some pics taken when we mit today!

2006-12-13T18:33:00.000-08:00

Ok.. i noe dis blog is getting so dusty and smelly.. cuz no one update it!! haha..
Shaaa... update lah.. hee!
I've changed the skin again.. and i'll try my very best to update often.. haha!
I PROMISE!

p/s: Bestie.. where r u babe??

2006-06-23T10:30:00.000-07:00

It was the mitmit session wif the bestie today... went for lunch at SIM before we went to PS... Photo frenzied at ESplanade! It was fun... fun ... fun..! Sha did some artwork at d' esplanade... Check it out ya... whaha..! look at the pic above... it was her artwork! dun play play..!

2006-06-13T08:10:00.000-07:00

COoLness!! yeah i bought my addidas jersey!! at last.. seb baik nina ajak aku gi town.. if not i think im not goNna have any chance to own that shirt sei.. wah! nina??
"oh my god!! loike suddenly uve become so bLoody brilliant! And ure soOo gorgeous!!"
hehe.. yeah dats jux my word of exageration.. nina, biler mase ko nk step touching ngan aku nie? i tot ko tak biase?? hhhhmmmph! podAh!! hehe..
yeah u noe rite about wat i complaint to you about that *toot*? yeah loike her face stick in my face lah.. WTF!! i hope i can forget that B"@tch.. we got other stuff better to think about.. hehe

seriousLy.. im scared of dreams la.. coZ its FreakingLy have been my Fobia.. u noe wat i mean rite Nina??
u may think that im the kinDa gUrL who seems to have all the confident in the world, joking non-Stop.. happy go lucky.. but deep down inside, i am still wat a women usually is.. weak at heart and being so emoTionaL.. perhaps, much more emotional than u ever been...
i really love sadLi so muCh.. so mUch more than what is express.. i cant bear to Lose him..
i couLd onLy pray to God:

"Tuhan tolong la..
ku cinta dia..
biar kan kami..
setia bersama..
di dalam suka..
dan duka.."

Opps.. tu lagu laRRRgh!! hehe.. haiz.. kalo ade jodoh.. ade pon bagus la.. kalo dah tak de nak wat mcm mane? kite hanye merancang, tuhan yang menentukannye..

btw wana.. ure simply the best guRL!!
muaCkZ!!

2006-06-13T05:31:00.000-07:00

D' bestie went shoppin yestdae... weee..! and bought so many things lah... me especially... Talked abt d' usual things: d' bf, d' dreams ^{as in d' nitemare we have at nite} and ghost! wahaha..! One thing that we forgot to do is TO TAKE PICTURE!

Thks to my bestie for keepin me company whenever im down... and making me laugh lyk mad...! and for ur golden words of nonsense! and for everything! *hugss*

By d' Cutest:

*NiNa*

2006-06-07T07:38:00.000-07:00

Hey... changed the blogskins again... haaaaa! I dun like the previous one lah.. sucks kan! heh.. Niwae, i took out one tagboard, hope it solve the prob of slow loading... btw, miz brutal, when are we goin for our date..????!!! im waiiiitttinnnn... prrffft!

2006-06-04T09:23:00.000-07:00

harloo.. yarasha here!!
see this pix? yeah this is loike almost the only pix that i had with nina.
what the hell..
anyway nina, the blog is pretty nice. thanks for the effort. hehe.
so i guess we're officially besties of frens huh?? geee.. loike dunno since wen did u make it officially.
but seriously, even if u dont "officiallise" our frenship, u have always been my besties for all time k..
i jux want u to know that..
aaaaaaaawwwww....
yar la.. tak ya nak touch touch pat sini otey..
aku Miz_brutal... so no messing around with me or her wookie??
*winkz*

2006-05-23T02:42:00.000-07:00

Finally our blog is almost done.. juz nid some tweakin here and dere... I dunno if sha likes the skins, cuz dat's the only skin i can find wif 3 columns layout.. hee..! Im so excited about this blog..! cuz its our blog! it's all about me and sha! hee.. btw, the cat pic is so damn cute laa...! but it's still my biggest fear...! sadness... wish i can overcome dis fear...

Sha! pls do the honour of updating ok..! prrfft!

2006-05-16T05:56:00.000-07:00

testing testing..

Still underconstruction..!